I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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