The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
