am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The uberlube is also flammable
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.