i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger