Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????