I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?