Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
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I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange