normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.