Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
