Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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