by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
