Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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