i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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