I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
