we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
