Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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