If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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