I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
