There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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