Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
