After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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