He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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