Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
