i think i have herpe
just one?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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