Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
