He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
