Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
