Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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