honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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