are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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