Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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