if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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