I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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