I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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