on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
