My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
