I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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