you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
