I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
