I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
