If i come over, it means nothing
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
