I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
