I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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