Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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