why didn't you poke me back
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
