my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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