When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize