When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
