It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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