he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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