i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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