I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
