Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
