You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
