i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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