I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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