If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
