the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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