remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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