why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
