I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
