3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
