my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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