I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
