but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
