I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
