Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
